My most recent status on Facebook said that I'd rather be an Army wife than ever be a Pastor's wife. This statement, of course, sparked quite a few questions. So I thought I'd dedicate this blog to be an explanation of the reasons why I'd rather be an Army wife than any other kind.
Let me first say that I did not choose this life for myself. I was quite content having John at home, although I knew he was not happy doing what he was doing. He's my husband and my best friend. I enjoyed his company, I enjoyed being able to talk to him before falling asleep at night, and I definitely enjoyed the sex. When John told me that he was joining the Army, my first reaction was to scream out "NO!" It would mean him being gone for a year at a time, mission exercises that would take him away for a month or more, plus the drama that generally always accompanies being an Army wife. The moving from place to place really doesn't bother me. I love adventure and new places.
The more John talked about the Army, the more he fell in love with the thought of being a soldier. It really seemed like a dream come true for him. I knew that if I denied him this opportunity, if I told him not to join, then we both would regret it. I didn't want to be the one to crush his dreams, and I knew that if he didn't join, that's exactly what I would be doing. So I held my tongue, he swore in, and has now been gone for almost a year, and will not be returning until next year.
I feel like I'm suffering a fate worse than deployment. The bright spot? He has Skype. Thank God for Skype. For that reason, I know I'm a lot luckier than most wives.
Before joining the Army, he was still considering being a pastor. I knew then that I did not want to be a Pastor's wife.
As an Army wife, I face long deployments, fear of the men in suits bringing bad news, sometimes days or weeks at a time where I don't hear from my soldier and have to wonder where he's at. It's actually not that bad.
As a Pastor's wife, I would have faced church every Sunday. Ladies Bible Studies. Events and concerts I would have been expected to attend. And I would have been expected to care about everyone in the church. And I don't (I know... harsh, right?)
I am not a Pastor's wife. I can never fit that mold. I don't like church. I don't like being chained to a church. Sometimes, I don't like God. And I definitely do not like pretending that everything is perfect in my life while having to care for other people's concerns.
As an Army wife, I have a freedom that allows me to be myself. I can cuss, drink, and blurt out my opinions about anything and everything. I'm uncensored (which is how I like it). That freedom doesn't exist for a Pastor's wife, where everything she does is scrutinized by the entire body of the church.
And I can also say that I love my husband more for the fact that he's doing something for his country, for his family, doing something he loves, something that will always challenge him and push him, than if he were in a job that I knew that he would be burnt out on.
Nothing against pastor wives. But that's just not for me.
Let me first say that I did not choose this life for myself. I was quite content having John at home, although I knew he was not happy doing what he was doing. He's my husband and my best friend. I enjoyed his company, I enjoyed being able to talk to him before falling asleep at night, and I definitely enjoyed the sex. When John told me that he was joining the Army, my first reaction was to scream out "NO!" It would mean him being gone for a year at a time, mission exercises that would take him away for a month or more, plus the drama that generally always accompanies being an Army wife. The moving from place to place really doesn't bother me. I love adventure and new places.
The more John talked about the Army, the more he fell in love with the thought of being a soldier. It really seemed like a dream come true for him. I knew that if I denied him this opportunity, if I told him not to join, then we both would regret it. I didn't want to be the one to crush his dreams, and I knew that if he didn't join, that's exactly what I would be doing. So I held my tongue, he swore in, and has now been gone for almost a year, and will not be returning until next year.
I feel like I'm suffering a fate worse than deployment. The bright spot? He has Skype. Thank God for Skype. For that reason, I know I'm a lot luckier than most wives.
Before joining the Army, he was still considering being a pastor. I knew then that I did not want to be a Pastor's wife.
As an Army wife, I face long deployments, fear of the men in suits bringing bad news, sometimes days or weeks at a time where I don't hear from my soldier and have to wonder where he's at. It's actually not that bad.
As a Pastor's wife, I would have faced church every Sunday. Ladies Bible Studies. Events and concerts I would have been expected to attend. And I would have been expected to care about everyone in the church. And I don't (I know... harsh, right?)
I am not a Pastor's wife. I can never fit that mold. I don't like church. I don't like being chained to a church. Sometimes, I don't like God. And I definitely do not like pretending that everything is perfect in my life while having to care for other people's concerns.
As an Army wife, I have a freedom that allows me to be myself. I can cuss, drink, and blurt out my opinions about anything and everything. I'm uncensored (which is how I like it). That freedom doesn't exist for a Pastor's wife, where everything she does is scrutinized by the entire body of the church.
And I can also say that I love my husband more for the fact that he's doing something for his country, for his family, doing something he loves, something that will always challenge him and push him, than if he were in a job that I knew that he would be burnt out on.
Nothing against pastor wives. But that's just not for me.
Interesting, well-written... and well, expected from you. I wouldn't have it any other way, though.
ReplyDeleteWow, that is messed up. Again... I think you need to find "yourself" and stop living thru someone else. Be yourself first and in the end you will be happy! Live your own dream; if you have one!
ReplyDeleteThis...made my jaw drop. Wow. Completely unexpected and well said. I never REALLY knew how alike you and I are...just wow.
ReplyDeleteI understand where your coming from. I also really appreciate your honesty and willingness to share what is on your heart. I really respect you for that. I agree with one of the posts about you needing to stop living through someone else and begin living the life that God intended for you. I believe you are deceived, and that you disconnection with God and the church is birthed out of some pain in your life that you have never dealt with. I think you need to stop blaming the church and God and start dealing with your pain.
ReplyDeleteAs for the thought of "Pastor's wife", the truth is that what you wrote is the strict tradition sense of what it means to do that. If your husband ever decided to be a pastor then he would have to work hard to set the culture of the house not to see you that way.
I am not trying to offend you at all. I pray the Lord bless you in your commitment.